Come on, Everybody, Twist and Bite!

Ah, yes, Asbury Park, New Jersey…. A peaceful beach town known for Bruce Springsteen, Jon Bon Jovi, and vegan chicken salad. The three go together as harmoniously as vegemite and tears. So, of course, when I was in Asbury Park this weekend, I wandered over to ‘Twisted Tree’ to grab their world famous veggie chicken salad wrap.

You know a restaurant is no joke when they have a sleek and sophisticated, yet funky and hip business card. Look at that backwards ‘S’! How delightfully whimsical!

card 1

Card 2

However, when I approached the counter, there was quite some drama. It was a little difficult explaining to the woman just what I wanted.

Me: Do you have a whole wheat tortilla?

Her: Well, the special, um, wrap has a whole wheat tortilla.

Me: Can I get a different wrap with whole wheat?

Her: *stares blankly at me*

Me: That’s what I’d like.

Her: The vegan chicken salad wrap?

Me: Yes. With a whole wheat tortilla. Can I do that?

Her: *stares* …. *walks away*


I think she went in back and had a brain aneurysm. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone…. Next time I’ll order the Happy Meal. Eventually, I received my whole wheat tortilla, though. Ole! The thing is, the wrap was great! I mean, it wasn’t delicious to the point of turning me gay or believing that Elvis is still alive, but it was sufficiently adequate. For the $8 and change it cost, it filled me up and tasted like… let’s see, how do I describe this properly? It tasted like lettuce and tomato got together and had a party. They invited the chicken and the mayonnaise, but they sent the invitation for the spices to the wrong house. So, the spices never showed up, and that’s a shame. Everyone knows that they bring the party hats and little drink umbrellas. The party goes on, but it’s just not the same. There’s no pizzazz, the kids are too sad to go for a swim, and no one else can break open the pinata.

The real winner, winner, vegan chicken dinner of this meal du jour was the sauce that waddled alongside the plate and set itself right in my heart. See, the ginger sauce came uninvited to the party. I don’t even know if it knew anyone, but let me tell you, that ginger sauce brought some spice to the party. Ginger Sauce had everyone in tears, laughing. Ginger Sauce told us about growing up in China. I even invited Ginger Sauce to stay at my house for the whole wheat, I mean, week!


Overall, Asbury Park is pretty swanky. Twisted Tree has vegetarian food* that has great potential (as well as yummy baked goods and smoothies.) And, if you play your cards right, you too may cause a second uprising of “Whole Wheatgate 2015”

Tune in next time when I review something else!

Rating: 7/10 unicorn hugs

Check out things you’re not eating right now:

*Although this “compassionate” restaurant exploits the term “vegetarian”, they do in fact sell fish products. Fish as in the animal, not the Swedish cherry candy that makes me question if Abba even knew a queen who danced. Sounds suspicious to me.

One thought on “Come on, Everybody, Twist and Bite!”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *