Having just gotten an email saying that I had an interview for a job, I decided I deserved a celebratory baked good. So, after checking the mailbox at a friend’s place, I had an idea. Using my delightful little phone for its intended purpose, I requested Siri’s attention, “Yo, Siri, vegan nearby?”
Siri, now voiced by a male, as per my instructions, informed me there was a spot called Vegan Divas not too far away on 75th and 1st avenue. Of course, I was thrilled. The upper east side isn’t exactly known for it’s bohemian hippie crowd. Mostly, it’s elderly people, some with rent-stabilized apartments. Thus, they have either too much money or not enough money. Those with too much money don’t really care about veganism, nor understand it. Those with too little money aren’t throwing it away on cookies and cupcakes (the fools….)
Right there, with an adorable purple awning, I found my diva-nation. Deviation? However, the name was again repeated right underneath the awning on a less adorable green plexiglass thing. This kind of reminded me of an Asian market. Jade green and royal purple (is that a colour?) don’t really appeal to me alongside each other, but that may just be me. You can be the judge of that.
Entering the establishment was very nice, though. The words “chic” and “clean-cut” come to mind. Maybe what one needs/wants when entering a classy vegan bakery on the Upper East Side. It really fit the role and appeals to the demographic.
Now, I was probably staring at the options for 15 minutes. Part of me excited, part of me with no idea what I wanted to try. Nothing really popped out to me. For such a bright shop, the treats were kind of… brown. There was a lot of brown happening. I suppose this is natural for a bakery, but to maintain the delightful paint palette, I would have loved some funky fonts, flowers, or furniture… something to lighten the mood!
Finally, the cashier spoke up and recommended either a cheesecake or a decadent cake. The latter involved chocolate, lots of chocolate. Something which tempted me so, but I know what chocolate tastes like. I wasn’t here to simply enjoy something, I was here to learn and experience something new! Whilst enjoying it, I suppose.
It’s always tough to be recommended delicious options, and stand there listening intently, then say… “Eh, no.” That’s just what I did, though. Not a straight-out “no”, but I politely ignored her words, and may as well have said, “Maybe I’ll just have something completely different from what you said, because your words are meaningless to me.”
I went with the lemon raspberry muffin and a single mini coconut donut. Oh, baby! She asked if I wanted two donuts. I declined. Although, what I liked a lot was that they put the calories next to the treat. This is SO chic. I didn’t feel as bad when I realized my full-sized muffin and tiny donut would only be 200 calories. I can finally enter something into my food log. My doctor and nutritionist will be so proud.
After receiving my two precious yummies, I wandered over to the less-than-generous seating area. The seating arrangement sort of made me question my calorie count. As, I could barely squeeze my well-upholestered bod between the valley of two tables. Then again, a squeaky little girl was also finding this to be a problem, so my buttock was able to redeem itself for its need to feed.
I finally sat down after a 20-day struggle and enthusiastically disrobed my snack. So as to not leave my wee donut on its lonesome, I decided to indulge in this coconutty fella first. I wanted to love it, I really did, but I found myself letdown by the lack of Caribbean escape. There wasn’t much coconut to my coconut donut. It was pretty fluffy and sugary, yes. Definitely plenty of sugar happening in there (maybe cane sugar? Nice.) But, I didn’t order the carb and sugar du jour! I was craving le coco. Thus, I was letdown by my beachside buddy.
When it came to the muffin, I couldn’t help but look at it. I just looked at it. Yeah, I see raspberry happening. I see some sloppy mixture-placement. Makes me feel at home. But… I also feel a cold breeze blow through me. This muffin doesn’t have a soul. I can sense it by the blank look in its eyes. This muffin probably calls puppies dumb and then gives them Wet Willies.
My suspicions were confirmed when I removed the wrapping from around thine muffiny waist. Nein! I tried to remove the wrapping. The muffin clung to that wrapper like a schoolboy holding onto his towel in the locker room. This muffin had some fight in it, but who would win?
As you may have guessed, I was eating this muffin, wrapper or not. Fortunately, most of the thin paper peeled away after some time and patience. Still, though, the muffin top was hard as steel. I wish I could say the same for my muffin top.
When I took a clump of muffin and put it in my mouth, I was unsure for the first few bites. The center was as fluffy as the donut, but the top was definitely a bit of work. However, the two consistencies combined was rather nice. Some fluff with some crunch. It satisfied all my needs. The raspberries were a tad bitter, and I believe they are to blame for a light aftertaste, but overall, despite my initial response, this muffin was doing the job. It was the muffin that I hated to love. I quite enjoyed my muffin!
What was also rather pleasant about this bakery was that the treats weren’t super vegan. You know? There weren’t any recycled toilet paper and placenta cheesecakes, nor oxygen-free water. Everything was just a nice vegan-replica of what you get in a normal bakery. The downside of this bakery was sitting next to a darling little family, eating my darling little muffin, and hearing overhead the lyrics to a “song” – “SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTSHOTSHOTSHOTS!”
Clearly, we four are not ghetto enough for this city. I did not need a shot of anything at 1 PM, thank you very much. Although, maybe that’s what the sign outside meant by, “Enjoy your first day of school!”
Kids these days….
So, I’m going to say this was a tough bakery to judge. The flaws were nit-picky, but sort of important to me. The good stuff was very good, though, and that counts for a lot in my book. As well as the fact that they have DF Mavens ice cream in the freezer. This is an added bonus!
Tune in next time when I review something else!
Rating: 8/10 unicorn hugs
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