ZuZu Celebrationery

My father noticed Zuzu Confectionery’s stand in Long Branch, New Jersey as we strolled along the boardwalk on July 4th. Not only was I tired and hot and not in the mood to stare at nude people on the sand, I was also hungry. Hunger does not look pretty on me. It looks like sadness and anger combined. Like the Abominable Snowman meets Eeyore and they have a child who has general anxiety disorder. Let’s never go there.

I tried to be strong for the troops, I told my parents we should first walk the entire boardwalk and then decide if we still needed to shovel things in our faces. After buying baby clothes from a man who was having a mental breakdown, we decided chocolate and fruit and cheesecake was what we needed, nay, deserved.

We walked back towards the stand, playing it cool, like we had ordered food at a restaurant and saw the food coming, but didn’t want to look too anxious. I gave a nod to the guy working there, a strapping young lad working alongside his… mother? Aunt? Sister? Tailor? I recall him being strapping, but:

A.) I don’t know what that means, exactly.

B.) I find anyone attractive if they have food to offer me.


The trouble I had now was making choices. There was cheesecake. There was cheesecake with chocolate and toppings. There was this fruit and that fruit, and all the things I like in life. It was like a genie had granted me the world’s best party and all my favourites were there! Coconut and peanut and sprinkles and all!

We knew we had to try cheesecake, but not with chocolate. No one needs chocolate on their cheesecake. Unless you do; no judgement. My mother wanted mango. We chose mango. I wanted dark chocolate (vegan thing, you understand) and then I suggested coconut on top. However, father dearest then had the suggestion of peanuts on top. It was so mad an idea that I figured it just might work!

The boy’s tailor (we’re going with that one) went to work. Her fairy wings fluttered, I saw a twinkle in her eye, and then the creation came to be!


Sweet Lord, Oh, Mercy! It did work! What have we DONE!? Why did we disturb nature!? But… could it be? It seems the surgery was a success!


On one hand, $6 for a tiny slice of cheesecake was a tad heartbreaking. On the other hand, MMMM! and… well, cheesecake on a stick is a great feat. One musn’t fuss with the delicate balance of cake to stick.


The cheesecake was definitely what it claimed to be! It was frozen, of course, so it wasn’t as creamy as a room temperature slice, but again, we must not blame he or she who hath stuck the cake.

The mango, though, ohh, boy! Aside from some hella tingly teeth upon biting into something so COLD, this was an amazing creation. The chocolate, though dark, was not bitter or hard or crumbly. It did not escape until some melting happened. May I suggest eating this treat in a freezer? That’s all physics, though. Chocolatey mangoy peanuttyness on a stick is one for the ages. I’d buy stock in it and then buy it an engagement ring. Just to cover all bases of commitment….

I also mustn’t forget to mention the great joy it gave me to see my parents pointing and laughing each other for having chocolate all over their faces. They looked ridiculous, while I remained sophisticated and unscathed.

The moral of this fairytale is that sometimes one must experience the ordinary in order to know the extraordinary. You’re all invited to a party, by the way. My father decided he is going to throw a party just so we can hire Zuzu Confectionery to come to the event and serve treats. Your invite might get lost in the mail, don’t blame me!

It looks like Zuzu is a traveling show, so do go check out their Facebook and Tweeter and whatnot if you wish to stalk them; my new purpose in life. If you haven’t figured it out already, my family gives these winners….

10/10 unicorn hugs

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