There are pizzas I remember

Since I can remember, I was not a huge fan of pizza. It was boring and messy and just stupid. Pizza is stupid. However, one thing I’ve noticed about being vegan is, the stuff I “can’t” eat is so much more appealing, even if I never liked it before.

For example: Marshmallows, ice cream… um… other stuff. Basically, lots of stuff I used to hate, I now get very excited about vegan versions. Like pizza!

There are some places that offer no-cheese or dairy-free cheese options, but that’s a whole thing and you have to talk to people and explain stuff and then deal with knowing you have no idea what’s actually in your pizza. Not to mention, requesting whole wheat crust is just asking for Pizza a la Spit.

Instead, with my mighty genius and genius genius, I decided I would make my own pizza. I’m the superhero of savoury vegan foods. Though, I didn’t have yeast. So, that was a thing that wasn’t a thing. Great start.

Fortunately, no yeast pizza crust is possible, just less desirable. It’s simple, you just need:

2.5 cups of flour

2 and 3/4  teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon oil

1 cup water (though, I used more because the hard dough was driving me nuts)

Then I put flour all over my rolling table thing. It made me feel professional and stuff, but then I realized, the movies never show you how one CLEANS UP after doing this. It was chaos.

Getting back to an innocent time in my life, before the realization that I would have to clean up, I then kneaded the dough for 4 minutes. Whatever that means. I just kind of played with the dough and made little dough snowmen.


Now that the crust was ready, I needed toppings. Ya always forget the obvious things like what you’re putting on the pizza, don’t ya! No? Me neither.

I decided I would use the finest ingredients aka what I had in my freezer: spinach, edamame, roasted garlic tomato sauce, and kidney beans. I boiled them up just until they were soft and warm enough to spread onto the crust. Before doing this, however, curiosity got the best of me. I took some dough, put it on a fork, and attempted to make a boiled bagel. It kind of worked. Sorta looks like a dumpling that fell out of my soup a week ago and rolled under the counter… and I finally got around to fishing it out. Tada! But dang, look how artsy that photo is! I think I should get a round of applause for that.donut

Back to business. Sauce! Spinach! Beans!


Shaboom! That almost looks like pizza. By the way, I spread some soy butter on the pan to limit sticking and because a buttery bottom never hurt anyone!

Then I went ahead and stuck that in the oven at 400 for 22 minutes. Let me just say, for being a sad and useless attempt at whole wheat, vegan pizza… I ain’t mad. Not mad at that recipe at all.


I’d go as far as to say I’d give this pizza 9/10 sips of Pepto Bismol

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