PPB Cheesecake

PPB? What could it be? Prune Punch and Beer? Pineapple and Pear Butt?


Pumpkin Peanut Butter Cheesecake. Sound gross? Oh, yeah, I bet it does. Turns out, it’s quite yummy… if you’re patient. I am impatient, therefore, I experienced early onset PPB Cheesecake Shock Syndrome. Some baked goods need many hours in the fridge before the flavours and textures are just right. This was the case with this fella. Let me not get ahead of myself, though.

Let me start by saying I made this recipe for two reasons:

1- I received a food processor for the holidays and I wanted an excuse to use it.

2- My grandmother wanted something with peanut butter in it that was diabetes-friendly. Who am I to say “no” to my grandmother? No one.

So, I found a recipe for pumpkin cheesecake. This recipe was not vegan and it was not sugar-free. The recipe called for 3 eggs and so much sugar that it could feed a whole town in Mexico. If that town happened to eat only sugar. Problem? Naw aw!

Ingredients as per my new and improved recipe:

1- Two containers of dairy-free cream cheese (about 24 ounces in total)

2- One can of pumpkin puree. If you’re making one pie, I suggest using half the can, but the recipe suggested a whole can. Whatever makes you smile at night.

3- Peanut butter. This wasn’t in the recipe at all, so just use as much as you want. I used three small packs from a Jif-To-Go pack. This is a thing I decided is acceptable. I dun care bout nuffin!

4- Cinnamon. Plus nutmeg and/or all spice and/or ground clove if you like a real, strong Wintery taste. You’ll be spouting snowflakes from your nostrils if you use all these spices!

5- One tablespoon of vanilla extract. Real, fake, more, less…. I don’t know. They were super vague in this recipe. This might be a bum’s recipe. You know, when a bum just uses what he/she finds on the street and then puts it in the sun and hopes real food is created. Yep. I made that up, too.

6- Pie crust. You can make your own, but that sounds like a lot of work.


The recipe from here is pretty self-explanatory:

Set the oven for 350 degrees because it’s cold and a little extra heat never hurt anyone. Then you put the cream cheese in the brand new, shiny food processor. Oh, man, it’s so brand new and shiny! You process that cream cheese until it’s smooth and creamy, then you add the rest of the ingredients. Make sure it all gets mixed in real nice. When that looks just about good enough, (because no one likes a show-off) then you pour your goop into the pie crust. Don’t forget to remove the plastic from the crust. It would not be good if you forgot.


Check out that creamy son of a gun! That looks like pumpkin and peanut butter met on a Friday night at a bar and had a beautiful interracial baby.

1, 2, 3, smooth it all down and make it look pretty, then put that beast in the oven for an hour.

When it comes out, it’s gonna look pretty and stuff, it might even smell real nice, but don’t go and down that bad boy. Both, because it’s not yours, it’s for grandmother dearest, and also because it’s gonna still be really liquidy and gooey. Which sounds appealing, but it’s not great when it “glurks” out from the flaky, sweet crust. Just don’t do it.


You’ll put him/her in the fridge overnight. Because putting it in the fridge while you’re awake will just be asking for trouble. You’ll keep thinking, “Hey, maybe it’s good now! I should try it and see!”

Again, don’t do it. Overnight is the way to go. Then you can have a slice for breakfast! Boom!


Would I make this again? Yes, but I might add banana or agave nectar. It needs something sweet in it. The texture was nice, though, and the pumpkin and peanut butter go together splendidly!

I’d say this recipe gets 3/5 helium balloons.


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