Is Todd even English?

Last week I was in Brazil. Brraaazziiiiillll- ai ai aiiiiii! …and stuff. I went on vacation to Florida, Dominican Republic, Barbados, and Brazil. I traveled on Cunard’s Queen Mary 2. I’m fancy and whatnot. It was beautiful and exciting and warm…. I don’t even know why I came home! IMG_4766 (1)

See what I left behind?

However, the big issue with Brazil, and cruises in general, is that they’re not really prepared for us vegans. It’s not all metropolitan, and really, they’re just not privileged enough for it.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT!? Are you calling them savages!?

uh…. What I mean by that is, vegan restaurants are risky. There’s a very specific and meager demographic. It comes and goes. Therefore, opening a vegan restaurant in a country that is already rather poor and having trouble with keeping businesses open would be a big mistake!

As for the cruise ships, they really don’t get many vegans. Vegetarians here and there, yes, but not vegans. Keep in mind, 75% of their customers are old, rich folks with bigger concerns than animal welfare. Thus, they don’t get many of my type. Thus, my type tend to starve, as I did. Well, as I would have if not for peanut butter, fruit, and crackers. I am a simple person, I have simple needs.

This was working well enough, but then my grandmother’s birthday arrived. Did I mention I was with my grandmother on this trip? I was. She was there, I was there, and she had a birthday along the way. For this, her travel agent arranged for my grandmother to eat a meal at the fancy onboard restaurant. Ooh! Aah!

Todd English, who is he? I didn’t know, either. Turns out he’s a chef, a restaurateur (yeah, that’s a word that means something to some people), an actor on the television set, an author, and a really rich dude. Basically, he’s pretty good at putting food in heat and spices. Update: He was also voted in People Magazine as one of the 50 Most Beautiful People. Would I agree? No. Does ol’ Todd care? Doubtful. I’m not here to review and judge his wide jaw, I’m here for the food. Let’s get to it.

In Todd English my grandmother and I were greeted by Vigo Von Trapp. I don’t know what his name was. He was an Aryan with a German accent, though. Therefore, I can only assume his lederhosen were at the cleaners. He was a nice guy, but looked rather exhausted.  That’s what happens when you polish your alpenhorn every single night. Bi-weekly is more than enough!


Eh? Eh? Forget it. Moving along…. Long story short, we figured out I needed a salad to start. Salad. Ugh. I had so much salad this trip that I was peeing out beet juice by the end. Normally, though, I eat my salad dry. I just like my veggies as is. My normal dinner waiter came to the conclusion that I just eat the avocado and ignore the lettuce. Duh. This salad had a nice dressing, though. It was light and sweet and kept the salad moist, but not drenched. There were also some tomatoes and raisins onboard my plate, those also were an appreciated addition to the salad soiree. Though, chicory and rocket and watercress combined are pretty much the barbed wire of lettuce.

We also got a bread bowl. We love bread bowls! Took them forever to find out if there was egg in the focaccia, but once they told me it was eggless, I hamstered that bread up in my cheeks. The bread was okay. Bready. The tapenade was as “good enough” as anything ever has to be. I ate it. ‘Nuff said.



Then came along my grilled vegetable plate. I was beginning to be nostalgic for the last time I ate vegetables, so I really couldn’t wait to get my plate.


I mean, look at it! If someone came to me and was like, “Are these vegetables?” I wouldn’t have to ponder or debate or dilly-dally, I would know right away that these things were vegetables. Asparagus, eggplant, mushroom, tomato, onion, zucchini… a whole alphabet of veggies! They were really grilled, too! Not fake grilled or briefly grilled or “saw a grill once”-grilled. I enjoyed my vegetables, but there were too many (such problems!) Unfortunately, I am not a huge fan of onions or zucchinis (I bet you feel so bad for me) but for what they were, they tasted quite lovely. Texture was good, too. You know, veggie texture.

Now, yada yada, moving on…. Dessert!

For dessert everyone- vegan, diabetic, disabled, psychotic- had the same thing: blueberry cobbler with (vegan) ice cream. Huzzah!


Let’s explore this bit o’ magic. Underneath you have blueberry pie-like filling with little itty bitty teeny weeny blueberries. On top you have… rice krispies? Then on top of the top you have you vanilla bean soy cream with strawberries. Genius! No crust, just rice krispies! Todd boy, you did it again! Now, the blueberries were warm, so the ice cream melted rather quickly, but it was good ice cream. Warm fruit is not my favourite, but it was a really nice dessert and totally do-able to make at home! I liked it, even though I only had room for a few bites. My grandmother enjoyed it, too! It was very nice way to end the meal. It was cozy and not overwhelming. Put my mind and body at peace.

Now you know, if you ever come across one of Todd English’s establishments, you too can eat a fancy pants meal with bread AND dessert!

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Rating: 8/10 unicorn hugs

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