Bye, Bye, Love. Hello, byChloe!

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The past two days, I’ve been plagued with an extraordinary pain in my upper abdomen. I think God intended immaculate conception, and instead I ended up with an alien teething at my esophagus. Point being, I needed something delicious in my belly this week…. Wouldn’t you know it, the vegan restaurant at the corner of MacDougall and Bleecker (New York City) just opened up! And, hey, there’s nothing catchy or stupid about the name! Simply: byChloe. I like it! Cute, accurate, and easy for my half-deaf grandmother to understand over the phone.

As I enter the quaint shop with fresh white paint that stands out from the bleakness of Bleecker, I take note of two important key features: firstly, I know where I am immediately, and that I’m in the right place. Secondly, I know where the bathroom is, I don’t have to enter the Temple of Doom in order to pee. Three and a half minutes in and I already give them a high marking on the ‘Unicorn Hug’ scale.

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Following a side-to-side dance with a dapper-dressed gentleman who was just trying so hard  to leave the store, he turns and points at my tattoo. He says, “Hey, that’s a symbol for The Bloods. Better watch out.” He then broke into a Charleston and danced out the door.

I was so caught off-guard by this ink commentary that I quickly fumbled out the clever response of, “Being gangster is in my blood, sir.”

After a quick check of myself, I realized I had wrecked myself. A wee smirk of discomfort told me I should step away and never try whatever that was, again.

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The one leaning over to grab a kale and dead sea scum smoothie. He’s the local gang expert.

The one touching his own butt is a reminder to never attend NYU.

I then proceeded to the cashier, and assuming she had overheard this discourse, I started with, “Should I try your bloody muffin or eat a crumb cake like a true gangster?”

Nope. She hadn’t heard the conversation. I lose once again. To the credit of the poor girl in braces, she didn’t even blink or wink or snort, she simply continued trying to help me. And, boy, did I need help. She asked me if I like green tea. All I could offer her was the helpful response of, “Mm… yrrrr..ssss?”

Now that she and I had bonded, I trusted her muffin judgment. Also, she chose the option that was a dollar less…. I don’t think it’s too soon to say that she might be my soulmate in life.

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This is a photo I attempted to take of the cute manager (Unsure of his position. I may have just promoted him.) Instead, I caught a short girl picking a wedgie, George Lopez on a bad day, and the manager at the most unflattering angle ever.

It’s been quite a journey already, but let’s finally get to the Muffin of the Hour: the matcha blueberry muffin!!

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Added bonus! There were big, sweet crumbs of Heaven atop Muffin Everest. The mecca! The rest of the muffin? Delicious! They must have had an audition for Blueberry Idol at this muffin, because it was packed full o’ berries.  It was fluffy, it was good and plenty, and it calmed the beast developing in my torso.

The only unfortunate bit was the lack of green tea-ness. I was promised the luscious blended flavours of mowed grass and eternal youth, and I was let down on that front. The muffin was definitely green, though, so I am sure I will still live forever. It’ll be okay.

Now that we covered that, I’ll also mention the presence of Chloe. Yes, THE Chloe. You know… the one who makes vegan food. She’s famous, I guess. I’d have gotten a photo with her, but she was too busy doing everything but cooking. The store is more like, ‘Sometimes byChloe’, but she’s rich and pretty, so I’ll look past the misnomer.

Anywho, with the great location, great food, and the potential to discover your true inner gangster, I definitely recommend this place.

Here’s one more photo of some of their treats, because I care about you.

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Tune in next time when I review something else!

Rating: 10/10 unicorn hugs

Check out things you’re not eating right now:

http://www.bychefchloe.com

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